So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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