She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
