do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
