we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
