i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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