We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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