1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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