i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize