I don't usually arrange sex via text message
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
