The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
