Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
