the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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