My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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