if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
