Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dick very happy bro
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
