you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
