Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
