I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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