You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
