just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
