Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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