Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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