He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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