If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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