six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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