i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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