im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
