I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
