I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
