Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
