im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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