I think I died a long time ago.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
a search helicopter?!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
