I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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