I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
tell me about the fingering
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
