we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
