I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Omg I joined a choir last night...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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