before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
