I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
