So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
