p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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