My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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