the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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