Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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