I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
