Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
