I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
