This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's blow job season.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
