Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize