dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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