508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
