It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
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