Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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