I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize