we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
