Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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