So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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