i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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