I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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