is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
