I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
