Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
