i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
