I'm so fucking centered right now
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
