Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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