totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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