I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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