Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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