Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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