Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
