i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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