what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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