is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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