we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
